Baby Update...

So I've concluded that morning sickness would be a great weight loss program and ab workout if it weren't associated with pregnancy! haha not that I go for people who do that sort of thing... I am slowly trying to take myself of my medication. I have reduced it by half but learned the other day that going without it is still not a good idea! I have lost 12 pounds since May, although looking at my belly I wonder how? At 14 weeks I had to buy maternity pants. Many who see me think I am much farther along!

I'm very happy that my sister in law, Ashley is expecting a baby a month after us. She's had some difficulties before and we just keep praying for them. It will be so great for these babies to grow up the same age as I know I had a great childhood with my cousin who was less than a year younger than I.

My doctor has informed me that as of recent the Naval Hospital ultrasound tech does not disclose the sex of the baby unless it is deemed medically necessary?!?! WHAT?! I was like "are you kidding me?" That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I'm pretty sure that if I were to ask they would tell me. I couldn't believe when he said that. Either way we are planning to go when I am 18 weeks for a sonogram to find the sex of the baby at a private company in town. We knew with Morghan at 16 weeks.

We have not decided on names, but we do know that we don't want the more common names people have these days that sound like made up names lol. We will not finalize the name until the baby is born. Some choices we have are Grace, Leah, Elizabeth, Mariah, Samuel, Ryan and Nathanial. We have months to have a final list and when the day arrives we will announce the name we have picked.

When Is It Enough?

Somewhere between Monday night and Tuesday morning a wall was built and a friendship came to a close.

I don't call enough.
Don't talk enough.
I don't care enough.
I don't say "I miss you" enough.
I don't return calls fast enough.
I don't respond to text messages fast enough.
I'm not emotional enough.
I don't have enough time.
I don't listen well enough.
Even my husband is not good enough.

This list could go on forever.

These are the things I am told on a regular basis by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. Can you guess who ended the friendship? You are wrong if you said me. Shocking, right? Who in their right mind would stick around and be friends with someone who constantly makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough? Apparently me.

Monday night, said best friend decided on their own that they no longer want to be friends with me. Ironic isn't it? After 15+ years they still expect me to change and do everything their way. Now I am sure someone was backing her in this decision. None the less, they made a post on facebook about me, ignored my messages and an hour later deleted me... and that was that.

In the end, after 15+ years... I just wasn't a good enough friend because I couldn't be at their beck and call doing things their way every time. If I missed a few calls because I was busy and didn't return them fast enough... I was told that "I didn't miss her"... I didn't realize I needed to check in?! This has been a repeat case over the past few months so I can't say that I'm not entirely surprised. However, a complete and total ending to a friendship is not something I foresaw. Drifting apart, yah. I still have very dear friends from high school that I keep in touch with, so I figured it would just end up that way. Not any time soon mind you, but eventually.

I suppose the funniest thing to happen since then was that someone else on facebook made a post about people and their drama acting like they are back in high school, dragging people down in their games. I couldn't help but laugh when a few comments later was my old best friend saying "Amen!"... They are the most dramatic person I've ever met in my entire life and the irony was just too much. If anyone should have said "Amen!" it should have been me, against her! hahaha

Of all the things they have ever accused me of doing to "hurt them" I'm pretty sure they took the Gold that night. Never in my wildest thoughts would I have ever done something so cold. I can still feel the knife in back. To think that we had spoken only a few days earlier and they acted as though everything was fine still bothers me. If you intended on doing this, why call and carry on a fake conversation? Oh well, you live and you let go. Yes that's 15+ years of laughs, secrets, promises, etc that are gone but what can you do? I'm tired of fighting, so I give up. My husband is worried about me seeing as he is deployed, Morghan is in Texas and I'm here alone fighting a tough pregnancy. He wants me to patch things up, but I will not be the first to ever say anything to that person. Time heals all wounds and all I can say is... I'm praying for you!

It's all coming together... SORT OF!

Here is one of the invites for Morghan's birthday party this year! They will all be the same, just with different information.

I know what you're thinking... how many are you making? The answer is simply three. Well its not simple but it is what it is! We finally decided on a definite 3 parties and a questionable 4th. What am I getting myself into?!

First Party - Sept 4th - My side of the family up at the lake.

Second Party - Sept 5th - Dinner out with Chase's family.

Third Party - Sept 25th - Friends at our house in SC.

Fourth Party - Sept 11/12th - ???

What we would LIKE to do is have a party for her with all our old friends who also have children. The issue becomes not knowing until the last minute the exact number of people who will be there. It would be something simple like Chuck E Cheese, nothing to serious. Time will tell what we decide on that party.

I Am Who I Am

I don't hold back.
If I think something is ridiculous I will tell you.
I can be a flake.
I have a horrible memory and get caught up in things.
I'm not spontaneous/flexible.
I can't just pack a bag and leave town on a whim.
I'm horrible at returning calls.
I hate leaving messages.
I plan everything... weeks, months in advance.
I'm not an outwardly emotional person.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.
I'm horrible at being empathetic.
I don't take compliments very well.
Sometimes, I forget to say thank you.

These are things my friends know, understand, and they are still my friends regardless.
Are they flaws? Yes. Do they bother me? No
I'm happy with who I am and I don't try to change myself.

I don't dye my hair every 2 weeks.
I love that I'm a brunette... even with the grey hairs.
I never spend 2 hours putting on make-up.
Some days foundation and mascara are perfect.
I don't go out making changes to my body because I'm depressed with life.

Life is hard. As a military wife I've learned that you cry, then you suck it up and go.
There isn't time for me to dwell on how lonely it is.
My husband is gone. My daughter is gone. This pregnancy is ROUGH.
But I make it through day to day.
I may have random bouts of crying, but who doesn't? It's healthy.

In the end, I keep going.
I am who I am, and I will never change.
I don't believe that people change.
I believe they either grow up, or they don't.

If you can't accept me for who I am, that's ok...
But don't criticize me to your friends and try to tear me down.
Don't continue to expect me to change,
You have the wrong person.

Birthday Approaching!

So Morghan's 4th birthday is 2 months away and for most it is crazy for me to begin planning. However, that is just who I am! This year we are going to be in Texas around the time of her birthday so we really want to do a birthday party while we are home. This is proving more difficult than I imagined!

We did her first bithday at a park... where it began raining! So I'm trying to avoid the park. Family gets a little complicated because I have such a large family vs. Chases. Something along the lines of 50 to 16. At the same time I'd love to have a party where we can invite our friends who all have children around Morghan's age to join. I suppose the issue is finding a little kid friendly place that is not too childish for the adults to enjoy themselves as well.

I don't want to have to do seperate parties but I'm beginning to feel as though I may need to. My first thought was 3 parties lol. Chase's family, my family, and one for friends. Chase quickly vetoed this option due to cost and time constraints. This would all be so much easier if we actually lived in Texas because then we could just invite everyone over to the house! HA!

The more I dwell on it the more I begin to realize that I may just end up at a park with a jump house for the kids and shade for the adults!

Atleast I know one thing for sure. We found this adorable play kitchen that we are going to get for Morghan. We already knew we didn't want a cheap looking plastic kitchen and this one is solid wood. I know she will love it and we have the perfect spot by the real kitchen to put it for her.

Is it over yet?

So Thursday I got my new medication and Chase and I headed out of town. Not too far, just down to Jacksonville for a couple nights. I had a great time and my medicine seemed to be working. I went 24 hours without being sick and then by Saturday it had returned and it was relentless. I had to work on Sunday even through all my protesting and being told I could go early. That did not happen! I worked 13 hours straight and the only break was when my supervisor ordered pizza for everyone. I sat down and had some water and the crust off a piece of pizza. I knew better than to eat the pizza... 1. Anything real greasy makes me sick. 2. I hadn't kept down dinner Saturday night or breakfast that morning. I finally got off and we sat out and watched fireworks. I held my own until we got home.
I tossed and turned all night and by 4am I was in hell so to speak. I hurt from head to toe, literally. My hair on my head hurt I was in so much pain. I was able to take some Tylenol and finally sleep until around 9... but I stayed in bed. For hours I tried to keep down liquid but I couldn't. Within 15 minutes I was running to the sink. By noon I could barely keep my eyes open long enough for Chase to even talk to me. I didn't want to move, I didn't have the strength to move. He raced me to the ER where we found people who had been there 4 &5 hours in the waiting room. For an average ER this might be normal, but not at the Naval Hospital. I was worried that something bad might happen before then. Triage nurse took my vitals and after taking my blood pressure 3 times she rushed me back to bed... but not before I threw up again.
Immediately I was hooked up to and IV for fluids and they started me on yet another new medication called Reglan (sp?). This turned out to be a bad thing as I was about as useful as a person doped up on morphine and as crazy as one too! They stopped that and pushed more fluids and ran a higher dose of the Zofran I was already on. The only issue was that before the 8 hours was up I needed more because I started getting sick again. It took 2 bags of fluids before I even had the urge to use the bathroom and even then it was pretty pathetic. Once I went an additional 4 hours without being sick I was released to go home.
So far I've just been incredibly queasy but have yet to be sick **knock on wood** I decided to take off tomorrow and stay at home to relax an extra day. Hopefully I feel better soon and don't end up back in the ER. My arm hurts just thinking about that wretched IV....

Heave...! Ho...!

I will try to simplify this....

I have been insanely sick the past week. As of 10pm last night I hadn't kept ANYTHING down and was being threatened hospital admittance by my Dr if I couldn't stop throwing up.

Yesterday I was supposed to pick up new meds to make me stop throwing up since I didn't want to end up in the ER only the retarded Doc forgot to put in the script!

This leads to a night of absolute misery because one of my glands is so irritated and swollen that I couldn't swallow, turn my head, much less open my mouth to talk. I tossed and turned all night in misery and this morning my body does the very first thing it does every morning. Its ready to expel the nothing that occupies my stomach. With my gland still painful this became absolutely excruciating as my body made every attempt possible to heave and wretch.

Still trying to avoid the ER I find out the Dr has now put in my new meds so I'm really praying this medication works. I have managed to hold down about 6 oz of water so far so that is AWESOME! Its not very much but its more than I've kept down in days!