Saturday, November 28, 2009

The year is coming to an end!

What a roller coaster this year has been! Both my daughter and I had surgery, trips to and from Texas. Never mind our marriage having been through a true test and surviving. Only one holiday remains, Christmas and I know that it won't be our best Christmas, but it will still be great. We have decided we won't be going home for the holidays this year. God has shown us a lot this year, especially myself. I find my relationship with Him growing daily and the joy and fulfillment it brings to my life is amazing.

Our next struggle is waiting to see Chase's next orders. He's been told yes and no about a 14 month deployment to Afghanistan. As of now there is still a coin rotating in the air, floating, waiting to fall. The stress it creates mounts every day. Will I be have to time to apply for the spring semester? Do I need to start packing? Should we hold off on large Christmas presents until we know whether they will end up in storage or not for a year? ... And so many more. Eight weeks ago I was stressing out and constantly badgering Chase to get more information daily. I decided to let it go. Since the day I let it go I have found myself with more peace of mind. Yes, I want... ok NEED... answers but I can't control their decisions. I figure if he is meant to deploy, he will. If it is short notice, I will deal with it because I am a military spouse and that's what we do best.

I am thankful for everything that has happened this year, both good an bad. Its been trying, but its been incredibly helpful.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Post-Op (days 5 & 6)

So the past 2 days have been R-O-U-G-H. Just when it seemed she might be improving she has become incredibly fussy and irritable. She's been constantly in tears it seems like. Its so frustrating because I can't understand her when she's crying and it is so difficult to get her to calm down. She ends up crying so long she wears herself out and falls asleep.

The last 24 hours she has begun crying every time she went potty. Not whining, but actual tears. She kept saying "owie" so I decided to make her a doctor appointment with her pediatrician. Turns out she has a urinary tract infection on top of everything else.

As if we weren't already struggling pushing liquids on her sore throat, we now have to push harder so we can flush the bacteria out of her system. Hopefully this all will being to reside soon and things will go back to normal.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Post-Op (day 4)

Several times through the night I woke up with my pillow on the floor. Morghan was so close to me I had to lay on my side to stay on the bed. Around 5am I almost fell off the bed. Irritated because I had to get up in 2 hours a left and went to lay down on the couch.

8:00 am Alas she must not be addicted because this morning she did NOT want to take her medicine. (relief!) We struggle and fight through the medicine process and I run out the door behind schedule.

1:30 pm Came home early from work and we watched a movie, took a nap, cleaned up a bit.

7:00 pm She is going really well right now. Still pretty fussy, but manageable. Hopefully this evening goes smooth.

Post-Op (day 3)

I will condense this. I really haven't been home for the majority of the day as I had to work.


3:00 am Fever was 103.1 and held for SIX HOURS. After a small discussion we we decided we would take her to the ER if it didn't go down in an hour. God must have listened, known she'd been through enough. At the one hour mark her fever was down to 100.5.

1:00 pm We wrestle through the pain medicine routine once more. I give her lots of love and I reluctantly dash off to work. (We can't BOTH be off at the same time)

6:00 pm Chase calls and tell me that Morghan took her pain medicine without a fight. Not a scream. Not a kick. Nothing. I didn't believe him. I honestly thought he was just trying to show me up on his first time alone with her.

10:00 pm Chase calls and says she took her pain medicine again without a struggle.

11:45 pm I get home from work to find our little pumpkin is not only wide awake but hyper. As I crawl in to bed with her and Chase she starts singing me songs and talking non-stop. Then out of no where she starts to tell me how she took her medicine all by herself like a big girl. Now I was convinced Chase made her tell me that. Nope. Moments later she was reaching across me to the night stand where we had her late night dose pre-measured for easy access. She wanted it. She was begging for it. I was beginning to fear my poor baby had developed an addiction to her narcotic!!!! Eventually we managed to get her to sleep. I didn't know then what a rough night it would be.

Several times through the night I woke up with my pillow on the floor. Morghan was so close to me I had to lay on my side to stay on the bed. Around 5am I almost fell off the bed. Irritated because I had to get up in 2 hours a left and went to lay down on the couch.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Post-Op (day 2)

Its been a rough day. Hell, it was a horrid night. I took her old crib matress out of the closet and put it on the floor in our room. I had it all made up so she could sleep in our room. The problem is she didn't sleep. Not exactly.

NIGHTIME: We finally got her settled down around 11:45pm. Problem::: She had to take pain medicine at 1:00 am. She woke up constantly through the night crying, groaning, coughing, repeat. I felt horrible at 5:00am when she was finally sound asleep and I had to wake her up to take the pain medicine again. You are probably wondering why I would be so mean and crazy to wake my poor baby, but I needed to. I couldn't let it wear off and have her wake up in intense pain. None the less, I felt like a mean mommy.

7:00 am She was awake again upset and asking for cartoons. She felt a little warm but that was expected and I don't get over excited. I slowly slipped out of bed exhausted from helping console her all night. Once I had her comfortable I took the dog outside. When I came back in Chase suggested we take the futon mattress in to the living room so we could be with her and rest. Chase told me to go to sleep and get some rest. He could tell that I was completely wiped out, and on the verge of tears.

8:00 am I can't sleep, she won't drink. She's now offically running a fever. 101.2* so I call the surgeons office to see if I should continue with the Tylenol with Codeine or switch to regular Tylenol. The nurse tells me to stick with the Tylenol 3 because the regular Tylenol will not be enough for her pain. We discuss other concerns such as Morghan's red swollen eyes and face: Normal. Her refusing to drink anything, even popsicles: Push harder, be firm.

9:30am Fever is up to 102.4*. I can not get her to even take a popsicle. She hasn't gone potty since yesterday evening. My concerns grow that she is getting dehydrated. Again, the nurse tells me to stay on top of her medicines and liquids.

11:00am Fever is holding at 102.4 approximately but we are able to get her to drink some ice-water. We tried Jello, she fell asleep sitting up. We gave her a popsicle, she fell asleep sitting up (while it melted). I felt so bad for her. She insisted on sitting in a chair while her Daddy and I made some food. Again, fell asleep sitting up. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so bad for her that I finally convinced her to lay down and sleep.

2:00pm Once calming her down after a traumatic medicine incident we all fell asleep. Morghan and I on the mattress and Chase on the couch. Somehow she ended up on the couch with daddy and I alone.

5:00pm She's awake and we go through another round of pain meds. Its miserable, and I hate that it tastes so awful.

Present: She had a few hours of being rather perky, just like yesterday evening. She's moving around rather easy though still cries when she coughs. She ate some macaroni and cheese again this evening to that is awesome. Got her to drink some apple pedialyte and cold milk. A HUGE improvement from this morning. I fear for what tomorro morning holds.

Her voice has definately changed. Its still a sweet child voice but much different than before. I could say mostly it sounds more high pitched and girly, not that she was boyish sounding before.

The odor from her breath is just as the nurse said... Dragon's breath. Occasionally she gets in my face and I shudder, sometimes even gagging. That's a horrible thing but I had not expected it to be this bad. I love her none the less.

Her "happy phase" is wearing off and fussiness had begun again. I'm not surprised. I'll update more tomorrow.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The O,MY in TonsillectOMY

My 3 year old daughter had to undergo a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy and have tubes removed from both ears. I did a lot of research online that I found very comforting, frightening and helpful. I decided to document what happened to use to help others who will have to deal with this with their kids.

This was our journey.

First Dr. Appointment

We were sent to a specialist, an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor to review my daughter's ASTRONOMICALLY HUGE tonsils. I mean, these suckers are B-I-G.

The rest of the appointment only took a few minutes before the doctor said he’d recommend taking them out. Tonsils AND adenoids. And, by the way, we will go ahead and remover her tubes in both ears. We went home to process the information, and spend hours on Google to finally make the decision to go forward with the surgery.

BETWEEN 1st Appointment and Pre-Op
This is when I get nervous and wonder if we’ve made the right decision. All I can think of is that my little girl is going to have surgery. What if something goes wrong? Did we NEED to do this? My parent's told me how in the ’70s when everyone had it done. But did they need it? Does she need it?

Then I remember how big her tonsils really are. Oh, and the part about her not always sleeping very well. And, the absurd snoring.These things can get better with the surgery. And, it’s better to have it done as a kid. They heal faster.

Then, I think about the recovery. I read tons online about how hard it is to recover. How badly her throat will hurt. She might throw up. She won’t be able to eat solid food. I picture her frail little body all puny, and hurting. How can I make this better? And, she hasn’t even had the surgery yet. This is what I think of every day.

I start to prepare a list of questions … one of the big ones is: How far can we go with her at the hospital? I’d accompany her into the surgery room if I were allowed. As I come up with questions, I write them down.


Pre-Op Appointment
This is the appointment that makes this real. We are proceeding with surgery on my baby. She’ll undergo anesthesia, and have sharp instruments put in her tiny mouth and head in order to remove her tonsils and adenoids.

This meeting actually takes place over the phone with a clinician who went over the entire procedure. Everything from what time to get there, to how long we could stay and what to expect afterward. He gave us all the paperwork with all the information we’d need to prepare for a long weekend of doing nothing except making our daughter comfortable, making sure she drinks a lot of fluids and takes her pain medication.

I brought my list of questions and all were answered:

Can we be with her until he goes into surgery? Yes
Can she bring her special blanket? Yes
How long does it take? 30 minutes
Will she get an IV? Yes

This "appointment" made me feel better. I’m not certain why … might just be that now I know what to expect. The doctor told me he’s done thousands of these surgeries before. “Thousands,” I repeat in my head. I can’t think of much that I’ve done a thousand times. This makes me feel better. He knows what he’s doing. He has a pleasant, reassuring nod as he’s telling me it will be OK.

I tell myself that tomorrow we will have a nice, big dinner, then no food after midnight. No breakfast Thursday morning. Nothing to drink either. This will be fun. My daughter likes routine. She likes getting something to drink first thing in the morning. Then, have her breakfast. We have to be at the surgery center at 7:30 a.m. so I’m hoping this will help — figuring she’ll be so tired that she won’t miss not eating.

Eve of Surgery
Now I’m wondering what her voice will sound like. I’ve been reading, and people have been telling me their stories, how their kid’s voice sounds very different. We were told this in the pre-op appointment too. I love my baby's little child voice. I love hearing her talk. It’s the cutest sound in the world. What will she sound like after the surgery? I worry about this.


Surgery Day
We had to arrive at the surgery center by 7:30a.m. for a 8:30 a.m. surgery slot.

After paperwork and the routine stuff for a doctor or hospital visit, they brought us back where we met the anesthesiologist. He reviewed how the medicine would work and what to expect. Three quick breaths of "silly gas" and she would be out. From that point they would administer more medicine via IV.

Time to say good bye. We gave her kisses, but she didn't really understand what was gong on. Why she was going with the nurses. Why mommy and daddy weren't coming too. As she made it to the end of the hall and pressed the magic button to open the OR doors I lost it. That was my baby. I blamed myself for putting her though the ordeal yet to come and I was more sorry than she will ever know.

After I calmed down and gathered myself my husband and I waited in the waiting room. Thirty-eight minutes later the Dr. said the surgery went well and that we’d be able to go see our daughter in about 10 minutes. He also mentioned that she had the largest tonsils and adenoids he'd ever seen in a young child.

We were brought into the “recovery room” to meet our daughter as she woke up.

This next part I have thought long and hard about whether or not to include. I decided to include it because I realize that I wish I had known more of what to expect. Even though I had gone through this part before, it doesn't get easier. I could not have been better prepared emotionally. If you don’t want the details, just stop reading here.

They call this the “delirium stage,” and frankly, I wasn’t prepared. Her face was swollen, her eyelids were red and puffy and she couldn’t open them. This scared her and made her cry and lurch around frantically. She kept trying to yank the IV from her arm. “This stage lasts 30 minutes to 1 hour,” the nurse explained to us.

I fought hard to hold back tears as they blew oxygen in her face. The nurse handed me my precious baby and I just ran my fingers through her hair, told her I loved her, that I was here, Daddy was here. We love her. She’s doing such a good job. We’re here, honey. It’s OK, sweetie. Mommy and Daddy are right here. We’re in the recovery room and it’s alright. You’ll start to feel better soon. I know you can’t see very good right now, but I know you can hear me and we’re right here. Mommy and Daddy are here.
The nurse covered us in a big warm blanked and we just kept talking to her. The nurse said it helps. Then, she said she could give her a tiny dose of morphine (I think that’s what it was, honestly it was hard to remember everything as my heart was breaking) if we thought she needed it. I just gave her what I call my mom look, nodding without moving my head, and she gave her the medicine. Slowly she began to quiet and drift off. This only lasted about 5 minutes and she began groaning again, although now she was fighting to open her eyes.
It was so hard to understand what she was saying. I had to laugh at one point. I didn't know what else to do. In turn she was angered that I couldn't comprehend. Finally we heard a phrase we knew all to well. "I'm done!!" Another chuckle as I reassured her and offered her a popsicle. It would be a while before she decided to accept it.

Post Op (Day One)
We arrived home within two hours of the surgery. Once home, she slept on the sofa. We woke her for her first dose of medicine and to get something to drink. We also offered her a Popsicle. The popsicle was a hit, the medicine was NOT. She has only sipped drinks for the past few hours, and hasn’t really wanted much in the way of food, but we kept offering it every couple hours.
The hardest part of the surgery day is the first hour after surgery. The good news is that it’s over quickly. It’s just gut-wrenching to see your child in any amount of discomfort — physical or emotional. This is the part of the day where you may cry. I would recommend not doing this alone. Make sure your spouse or a friend is with you. You’ll need the emotional support of each other so that you both can be 100 percent present for your child.