Somewhere between Monday night and Tuesday morning a wall was built and a friendship came to a close.
I don't call enough.
Don't talk enough.
I don't care enough.
I don't say "I miss you" enough.
I don't return calls fast enough.
I don't respond to text messages fast enough.
I'm not emotional enough.
I don't have enough time.
I don't listen well enough.
Even my husband is not good enough.
This list could go on forever.
These are the things I am told on a regular basis by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. Can you guess who ended the friendship? You are wrong if you said me. Shocking, right? Who in their right mind would stick around and be friends with someone who constantly makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough? Apparently me.
Monday night, said best friend decided on their own that they no longer want to be friends with me. Ironic isn't it? After 15+ years they still expect me to change and do everything their way. Now I am sure someone was backing her in this decision. None the less, they made a post on facebook about me, ignored my messages and an hour later deleted me... and that was that.
In the end, after 15+ years... I just wasn't a good enough friend because I couldn't be at their beck and call doing things their way every time. If I missed a few calls because I was busy and didn't return them fast enough... I was told that "I didn't miss her"... I didn't realize I needed to check in?! This has been a repeat case over the past few months so I can't say that I'm not entirely surprised. However, a complete and total ending to a friendship is not something I foresaw. Drifting apart, yah. I still have very dear friends from high school that I keep in touch with, so I figured it would just end up that way. Not any time soon mind you, but eventually.
I suppose the funniest thing to happen since then was that someone else on facebook made a post about people and their drama acting like they are back in high school, dragging people down in their games. I couldn't help but laugh when a few comments later was my old best friend saying "Amen!"... They are the most dramatic person I've ever met in my entire life and the irony was just too much. If anyone should have said "Amen!" it should have been me, against her! hahaha
Of all the things they have ever accused me of doing to "hurt them" I'm pretty sure they took the Gold that night. Never in my wildest thoughts would I have ever done something so cold. I can still feel the knife in back. To think that we had spoken only a few days earlier and they acted as though everything was fine still bothers me. If you intended on doing this, why call and carry on a fake conversation? Oh well, you live and you let go. Yes that's 15+ years of laughs, secrets, promises, etc that are gone but what can you do? I'm tired of fighting, so I give up. My husband is worried about me seeing as he is deployed, Morghan is in Texas and I'm here alone fighting a tough pregnancy. He wants me to patch things up, but I will not be the first to ever say anything to that person. Time heals all wounds and all I can say is... I'm praying for you!
wow that sucks Amy, but a friend should never bring you down! I know over the years we have drifted apart as well, but for me our childhood memories will never leave my mind, those were some of the best memories ever! I also have a best friend, and sometimes we dont talk for awhile. we both have very busy lives, and obviously live so far away. but when we do get to catch up, its the time i look forward to the most. i will never doubt the friendship me and this person have because when i need her the most or she needs me the most i am there and so is she. you see its not about how many times you call or how fast you call, its about being there at the most crucial times in ones life. and making an impact on that person.
ReplyDeletewith that said, i dont think you should patch things up with this person, she should not have made you feel so horrible. We are NOT in high school, we have lives now that have us very busy and sometimes time flies by and we cant talk every day or every week for that matter. that is just the way life goes. and life goes on. i hope you doing okay. it is hard to be alone. but you are a strong women!