Friday, January 28, 2011

MORGHAN.EXE

So for the past couple weeks we've been trying to figure out what is "wrong" with our computer. We would come back to the computer after being away for a while and there would be TONS of windows open on the desktop ranging from file folders to various Internet pages. It was driving us crazy because we could not figure out what the problem was. We would remove software, re install, run virus scans, etc over and over again but it wasn't helping.

I did begin to notice however, that it was opening the same things time and time again... so I took note. The software for her hand held game, Toys R Us, and google were the most frequent. Then the intruder messed up. I came in to the office and the Outlook Express window was open (we NEVER use this) and would you know, that typed in the little box was "morghan" (along with various other letters following suit)... AH HA! I closed everything and asked Morghan about being on the computer. Naturally, she promises it wasn't her. It just happened by itself. So we have our discussion about telling the truth and I move on about my day. I knew that I needed to catch her in the act... and it was only a matter of time.

Morghan disappeared yesterday and was eerily quiet. I had an idea where she was so I snuck down the hall as quietly as I could and peeked in to the office. Little Miss Thing was sitting in the chair, mouse in hand on the Toys R Us website!!! She was "toy shopping" hahaha She truly amazes me sometimes. I swung the door open and she jumped about 10 feet in the air. She was caught and she knew it.

MORGHAN.EXE has hopefully been fully eradicated.
The computer now has a password and its NOT "morghan"

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

...In the end, she just needs to be healthy.

My due date has come and gone. As of Monday, I was scheduled to be induced on January 31st. So many thoughts race through my head as I scour my message boards what seem like hourly for others stories similar to mine. I was so caught off guard by the initial fact that my Dr. was doing a delivery and I had to see a midwife that I never even thought to ask questions.

How will they start the induction process?
Is it really necessary to have me awake at 5 am?
Did you forget how exhausting labor is?
You don't really think I'll sleep that night, do you?
How long will I labor before performing a C-Section?
What are the determining factors for a C-Section?
What is the rate for C-Sections preceded by failed inductions?
What is the rate of a failed induction?
At what point do you determine a C-Section is the better option?

WHAT ABOUT OUR BIRTH PLAN!?

We've been working hard on a natural birth. I didn't want medication this time. I most definitely do not want to be induced. I sure as hell don't want a C-Section. We have tried everything to put me in real labor(short of taking supplements and castor oil) as I don't want extra stuff in my body that it isn't used to. Walking has become excruciating as I have a condition called SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction)that is making things more and more impossible every day. In the end it all comes down to "if your body isn't ready, it won't go in to labor"... this is where I hate the induction part. I told my doctor that be induced isn't something we want, we want her to come on her own. However, he will not let me go past 41 weeks.

And so I've been researching constantly and honestly do not like what I've found. The thought stands that this baby is a big baby. Possibly the reason why my progress has stalled since week 35. From what I've found, if baby is too big, she cant rest properly on the cervix allowing for dilation to occur. This leads to unnecessarily long labor that stresses the baby and ends in a c-section that should have been performed in the first place. Understand, that although I do not WANT a c-section, I have a very strong feeling its how I will end up.

For every person that has told me they were induced and everything went great and they had a vaginal delivery... I'm confronted with dozens that ended with c-sections. I've also found that most of the people who had "successful" inductions, also were not in the same boat as myself. I had a long labor with Morghan and spent a long time pushing (even being threatened with a c-section) not because she was 8lb 7oz so much as she had a large head that was getting stuck behind my pubic bone. This was already my concern with this baby, not the weight, but more the size of the head. Yet, my Dr wouldn't preform a growth scan. He felt I was being a little paranoid. Continuing on past size, is that she is INCREDIBLY high as stated multiple times and that my cervix has not changed in 5 weeks. The midwife even told me that all these things together increase my odds at a c-section.

I realize in the end the only the that matters is that she is healthy. Its just difficult and somewhat heartbreaking to have worked so hard on a plan to find out that you may not even get to follow through with it.

I'm stressing, I know... but there's honestly nothing anyone can say that's going to make the stress go away at this point.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Still Waiting...

Monday is my due date. When I initially wrote it in red Sharpie on the calendar, I didn't think it would become so permanent. Each week, our small family gathers around to see what fruit Grace has become this week. I remember blueberry, which was before we'd even told my then three-year-old we were pregnant, green olive (which made me feel nauseous that week ... wasn't feeling it), every type of squash imaginable, all the way to week 39's "mini-watermelon." We've never peeked ahead, all the way back since the beginning of May, Mother's Day, when I took my first positive pregnancy test.

Since week 37(and maybe secretly back into week 36), I've been trying everything to get this little girl to come out. Initially, it was for convenience. But even the Doctor got our hopes up when he told us she may arrive before New Years. I remember almost jumping for joy at 36 weeks when I was told I was about 2 centimeters dilated, and my cervix was soft. Yay! Get those ducks in a row! Pack your hospital bags! Do a triple-last-minute check on supplies!

We were squared away.

Into weeks 38 and 39 we rolled, and I was getting more miserable by the minute. I went back to not being able to sleep at night. Things started swelling on my body that had absolutely no business being swollen. And the pain! Oh, the twinges, whose pain can hardly be described to any member of the opposite sex. The contractions that sneak up on you in the middle of the night and suck the air out of the room. The two trips to Labor and Delivery with contractions so perfectly timed and oh so strong that it "just had to be it!" The extreme joy at seeing more of your mucus plug, like the surprise picture on the bottom of the cereal bowl when you were a kid.

And yet, back on my message boards, mamas are pushing babies out at 35, 36, 37 weeks 2 days. Pout.

Monday is my due date and nothing is happening. I waited ten days from my last cervical check to be told yesterday afternoon I'm at 2cm, 50% effaced... (this has not changed in several weeks) and the baby is still high. Very high. When doing my exam, it felt like "in my throat" high, but I took it like a trooper. I've even had my membranes stripped twice. Anything to speed things along, right?

Then I came home, and it hit me. If everything was easy, nothing would really be worth it.

Just think about it for a minute: Would I have been happy to have had her at 37 weeks? Heck yes. But am I walking around on pins and needles now, at 39 weeks 5 days? And instead of just being happy, will I be ECSTATIC now when she finally gets here after feeling like it's been forever? I have to say yes, yes I will. The more we want something, the more "worth it" it all becomes in the end.

Maybe that's why full term (and past term) mommas are all left behind. We've been given extra opportunity to wish these little babes into the world. We've gone from "wanting" to pining. To begging. To praying. To "making deals." It's no longer a matter of the stories of the mamas waking up at 36 weeks with broken water and easy labor. We've conquered that mountain. Many of us are now facing changes in birth plans. (Say having to schedule your own induction?? Most definitely not how I thought it would happen!) Maybe, instead of being frustrated, there's a sense of pride I should start to sow. I'm going to try my best. I'll be proud. I'll stand strong.

(But by all means, if I feel the need to head to labor and delivery I WILL GO!)

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Tick Tock Tick Tock

(WARNING: THIS IS LONG)

Thursday Night:

Felt nauseated most of the evening. Managed to drink some water, not too interested in food.

Friday :

Around 5AM I woke up and instantly ran for the bathroom. Although my stomach was empty, that didn't stop my body's attempt to remove my stomach contents. Instantly I began having contractions, probably from the violent muscle spasms of throwing up. I knew sleep wouldn't happen, so I began cleaning the kitchen. Chase got up around 615 to get ready for work and I told him that my back was killing me... and it pretty much was. Once the kitchen was clean I began having a few painful contractions so I sent him a text letting him know he needed to be prepared to leave work. I decided to go lay back down in bed and relax thinking I had maybe just outdone myself somehow. Morghan brought her tea set and other toys into my room because she didn't want to leave me alone lol. I stayed there with contractions coming about 7-8 minutes apart until about 2 hours later when they seemed to have subsided.

Around 1200 my contractions were around 4-5 minutes, but not all that uncomfortable. I started making lunch for Morghan and I when suddenly I was struck by a horrific pain in my right side. It was down right debilitating and I was scared to death. I could not get it to stop and walking was excruciating. I made my way to the recliner and called my nurse and left her a message. Terrified that something was wrong with the baby I called Chase in tears and told him he needed to come home. (It was actually the 2nd time he would be coming home as the dog ran away just an hour earlier) My nurse called back a few minutes later and said that since it was a continuous pain she suggested that it was my round ligament spasming. Painful? Very much! Uncommon? No. She said to use moist heat, take 2 Tylenol and wait 30 minutes to call back.

I believe I made it to 25 minutes before I panicked and called her back. Reason being that from the moment I got off the phone the pain would worsen in waves around every 4-5 minutes... right along with the contractions. The pain was already bad but the contractions had me in tears. She told me to go to Labor and Deliver immediately to be evaluated. While I struggled to get dressed, Chase loaded Morghan and our bags in to the truck just in case we wouldn't be coming back home that night.

By the time I was hooked up to monitors the nurse looked at me and said "no doubt about it, you are contracting every couple minutes!" Thing was, I only felt every other one which was odd to me. My blood pressure was elevated to 141/92 and my pulse was 140. (Yah, I know!) So while I'm going through this pain my blood pressure and pulse are also being taken every 5 minutes which wasn't really helping. As the searing pain subsided, so did my numbers luckily. After being there for several hours we are finally sent home because although I was contracting like clockwork, they weren't strong enough to cause me to dilate any further. GREAT! (not)

We decided to go grocery shopping just in case labor did in fact happen, we would at least have food! It usually takes me about 45 minutes, but naturally the walking was awful on my back pain which unfortunately had not gone away. We ended up being at the grocery store for an hour and fifteen minutes, and we then had to go to Walmart to get some extra stuff as well which was another 35 minutes. We grabbed a pizza on the way home and by 8:15 I was so worn out I headed to bed.

For the first few hours I was miserable. The contractions had slowed to about 6-7 minutes, but still just strong enough to make it hard to stay asleep. Around midnight I woke up and realized they had stopped. Straight up aggravating, I was really hoping things would progress overnight as the did with Morghan. I couldn't go back to sleep so I paid bills and straightened up a few things and passed out around 130am...... and I didn't wake up until 8:30am.

Saturday :

SEVEN hours of uninterrupted sleep. That hasn't happened since my second trimester. I felt amazing when I woke up.

Then I stood up. There it was again. My backache that seemed to have multiplied overnight. I tried the heating pad all morning while my sweet husband made breakfast, cleaned up, and started the laundry! Even with Tylenol, it just wasn't working. Even now as I go to sit, stand and especially to bend it is almost impossible. I really hope this little monkey decides to come soon because I'm not entirely sure how much more of this I can take.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Oven-Sammies (recipe)


Before reading any further I should warn you... These aren't healthy and they can be messy. But I guarantee if you make them EVERYONE will be asking for the recipe.

Back at Thanksgiving we had a lunch/dinner at Chase's old work. Someone there brought these FANTASTIC (and that word is an understatement) little sandwiches. They were warm and gooey and... oh you'll see when you make them, and you will make them. Any ways, everyone there was crazy about them and trying to hunt down the person that brought them. Sadly, the lady who brought them was NOT sharing the recipe. We did learn however that the recipe was inside of a cookbook sold at a local restaurant called, Barbara Jeans. This lady worked there and pretty much was trying to bring in money for the company. I can't say that I blame her but COME ON!

I wasn't about to drop $40.00 on a cookbook for one recipe. I know how that cookbook came about. The employees at all different locations and the owner compiled recipes from the personal favorites. (Isn't that how most work anyways?) Knowing this and knowing that the recipe had to be posted somewhere else I went in search. I knew 95% of the ingredients as the lady from Thanksgiving would tell one person a couple and another person a couple without giving it all away. All I needed were the measurements.... and I found them.

Oven Ham Sammies

1 12 count package Kings Hawaiian Rolls (sliced in half to create a top and bottom)
1/2 cup butter melted
3/4 tsp ground mustard
1 tsp poppy seeds (optional)
2 tsp onion flakes (or 1 tsp onion powder)
2 tsp worcheshire sauce
1 package thin sliced swiss cheese
12-16oz thin sliced ham


Place ham and cheese on the bottom of the sliced rolls.
Cover with the top half of roll.
Mix together the remaining five ingredients in a small bowl and spoon over the tops of the sandwiches. It will look like you have too much, but just dump it all on there.
Let sit overnight or a couple of hours.
Bake in a pre-heated oven at 350 for 15 minutes or until warmed through and the cheese is gooey and melty.
Enjoy!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Serve It Up

So now that the baby's room is 100% done, bags are packed, car seat is in the truck, and house is up to my standards I need something else to occupy my time... I've picked cooking.

Not just cooking though, freezing! HA! I've started compiling recipes that will freeze/thaw well so that after Grace gets here we won't be frantic in the kitchen. I remember how crazy things were with one child, adding another only guarantees things!

This would be so much easier if Chase wasn't such a picky eater...

If you have any ideas, please feel free to share :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Mind Racing

Tomorrow will be the longest I've been pregnant, as Morghan came two weeks early. The closer it gets the more I've begun to think about Morghan and her big sister role. We have had mild conversations about the baby being in Mommy's tummy, and that when its time the Dr will very carefully get her out of there. She doesn't ask for much more detail so we've never really felt the need to dig deeper. I recently had another mom ask why I don't explain every detail. Honestly? I don't think its necessary. I think that you should answer as your child is content. There is no point in sharing more information than she seems interested in.

That said, I've still been wondering how many times will go by before she DOES want more details. She's already had to sit through two awkward appointments with me having to undress, and had the nurse not told Morghan the Dr was going to look at my leg I honestly do not know what I would have said to calm the look on her face. You may wonder why I've even taken her in... well, I don't really have a choice. Chase can't get off work with his new position, can't take her to work with him, and I have no one to watch her. None the less, the looks she gives tells me she is curious and there is only so much more time before she lets out what she's thinking.

As her curiosity grows about the baby coming out, I find her talking more and more about how she can't wait to give the baby a bottle. No secret, I plan to nurse just as I did with Morghan. I'm just not sure how to explain that to her. She knows body parts, don't get me wrong. However, at some point she's going to stop being so content with the simple answers and want more details. Details that I am not entirely sure how to explain. It seams easy enough when I hear it, but to a four year old who knows!? I've looked on numerous pregnancy and parenting boards and the most common thing I see is people saying "don't worry about it"... well, sorry, but I actually WANT her to understand. I'm not going to treat my child like it is none of her business.

I will continue searching for books (for children) on line. Hopefully I can settle on one before the baby gets here. I'd like for Morghan to understand whats going to happen BEFORE it happens. She's a smart girl, and I'm sure she will understand. Maybe its just me that has a problem. Maybe I'm just digging too deep.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Doctor Says...

If I have not gone in to labor by next weeks appt. he will strip my membranes. It won't guarantee labor, but its favorable. He predicts she will come before next Saturday (the 15th) and I sure hope he is right! lol Before I was hoping she would come before New Years, but with that gone I'm hoping for the 11th as that's my birthday. Plus I think 1-11-11 is pretty neat! :)

Now, if her baby book would just come in the mail that would be fantastic! I've had to keep notes in a notebook so that I wouldn't forget!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Layout

Morghan is asleep and the house is clean so I have nothing to do. I decided to give my blog a "face lift". It took me a while, but I'm finally happy with the one I made,at least for now... A bit premature with putting Grace's name on there, but I know that I won't have time later on! I've even started on Grace's birth announcement so that all I have to do is add pictures/information! :)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Baby Girl

She is really keeping my on my toes these days! My poor right side gets abused daily, especially my ribs! Clearly she is running out of room in there. Dr estimates she is around 7-7.5 pounds right now, which is fine as long as she stays that big. Naive, I know :) Had Morghan made it to full term she would have been over 9 pounds. As of last week I was at 2cm and 75%, so we are just playing a waiting game these days.

My friends Julie surprised me with a baby shower yesterday. She said we were going to lunch, but when we got there I happened to notice familiar vehicles. Then we we went inside the host blew her surprise by saying "Are you here for the baby shower?" haha it was so nice to see everyone from my work. I had a nice time and got some more great stuff for the little one.

We have 99% of everything we need for this baby! We are still waiting on the baby tub to arrive, but other than that we are ready to go. I finally packed my bag for the hospital (after Chase nagged me for a week). My nesting is starting to annoy him I think :) Mostly because I need his help with a lot of things. I kept insisting the garage was a mess so he broke down and helped me go through boxes. We went to Lowe's and bought some shelving and plastic containers, all of which was far too exciting for me. After all was said and done the garage looks a million times better! We also went and got some shelving for Morghan's room, and some fabric bins to separate all her toys in to. She has been doing a really great job at keeping things where they go. Today I cleaned the bathrooms as best as I could using hot water and soap. I refuse to use any chemicals right now since I'm pregnant and there isn't good enough air flow in those small places. All that's left is putting a few boxes in the storage and getting the carpet cleaned!

New Years

Nothing too special about New Years other than its now 2011.

Morghan's friend Adrianna spent the night and surprisingly there was almost NO drama between the two! They behaved and listened very well. Normally bedtime is a hassle with these girls, but it wasn't so bad that night. They went down VERY easily... it was the 2 hours after wards that I was going crazy. By midnight they were passed out (compared to usually going to sleep around 2am!) They were up before 7 I think, but not too sure on that one!

No New Year's Resolutions here... all I care about at this point is having this baby! Everything else is in God's hands.

Christmas



Christmas was great, Morghan has been playing non stop with her new dollhouse. I feel as though she spends more time in her room playing than with us! Here are a few pictures from Christmas morning.
It even managed to snow the very next day. Of course, it didn't stick to the ground but Morghan was thrilled. She's normally very slow to wake up, but when I went to tell her that it was snowing she popped right up and ran to the window! I got her dressed (as it was 28 degrees!) and she wandered out to the front yard to see the snow.