Stay At Home Mom... Day 1
So, I've recently been forced to quit my job since my senior supervisor thinks I should only work one day a week for the duration of my pregnancy. My question is... How would you want your pregnant daughter treated at work? (She is due the same time as myself) Other than that asshole, I enjoyed my job and the people I work with. I'm going to miss them terribly. I've even joked that I'll be up there a couple days a week because I will be so bored!
I've always said I'm not that stay at home mom"type"... I still hold true to that statement. I need to keep busy, I get stir crazy when I sit at home all day. Its hard when you are used to working 5 days a week. Its a big adjustment, not only for myself but for Morghan as well. She is used to pre-school where she had structured learning. Already this morning, it feels overwhelming to have a 4 year old running through my house openly defying me. I never had too many issues with her on weekends and school nights. By the end of the school day she was so worn out that she was "easy" to deal with so to speak. On weekends we are usually busy running errands that there is not a lot of free time for her to run around like a crazy child at home. She had a routine she was used to and now I've thrown her out of whack. I fear it will take time to get her back into a new routine... just to turn around and have a newborn to set everything off balance again.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and I love spending time with her. This is all new to me and its more work than I imagined it was going to be. My goal is to have a schedule worked out (at least on paper) for Morghan and myself. I don't think I'm being a bad mom by sulking, I'm just not sure where to begin this new adventure.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Excuse Me?
Today someone, who shall remain unnamed, was talking to me about Chase deploying around the time of the baby's birth. She then had the nerve to say... "Yah, I know how you feel. _____, left 1 week before our daughter was born."
I couldn't resist. Instead of shrugging it off like everything else (I didn't want to talk to her in the first place) I opened my mouth....
First of all, your husband VOLUNTEERED to leave you, knowing that your baby was due at any moment. Second of all, you moved home before he left so you had all the support of your family with you. So excuse me, but no, you do NOT know how I feel. My husband did not make this decision, nor did he want to be in the January deployment. He didn't volunteer to miss the birth of our child. Furthermore, I don't have the ability to go home to be with family. I won't even be able to have family here with me when I go in to labor.
Don't, for one second, even try to act like you know how I feel. I assure you, you don't.
I couldn't resist. Instead of shrugging it off like everything else (I didn't want to talk to her in the first place) I opened my mouth....
First of all, your husband VOLUNTEERED to leave you, knowing that your baby was due at any moment. Second of all, you moved home before he left so you had all the support of your family with you. So excuse me, but no, you do NOT know how I feel. My husband did not make this decision, nor did he want to be in the January deployment. He didn't volunteer to miss the birth of our child. Furthermore, I don't have the ability to go home to be with family. I won't even be able to have family here with me when I go in to labor.
Don't, for one second, even try to act like you know how I feel. I assure you, you don't.
Monday, November 8, 2010
No More Marine Corps
...in 18 months. (this is long, be prepared)
It's a shame that it has come to this, but we just can't take anymore. About 2 years ago Chase's name was put on to a list to be pulled for recruiting. Anyone who knows Chase, would know that he just isn't the guy for that billet. He was given the opportunity to change his billet to be an instructor at the schools. The ONLY reason he wasn't able to is because his Sgt Maj at that time was the former Sgt Maj of recruiting. He thought it was the best, and would not let Chase transfer to instructor. In turn, due to family circumstances, Chase denied the recruiting orders. I will be honest here. Had he taken those orders, I can almost guarantee you that our marriage/family would have fallen apart. I won't go in to details on that though. By denying Marine Corps orders Chase was given a code that prevents him from re enlisting or even gaining rank. The only way he would be allowed to have that code removed from his file is to take new recruiting orders.
Where am I going with this? Chase was to pick up rank this year as a Staff Sgt after only 6 years in the Marines. Everyone in his shop knows it, even the Major who has pointed on several occasions that Chase has more qualifications than the majority of the Staff Sgts in Ordnance and even several Gunnery Sgts. At least SOMEONE notices this...but it is still irritating. Had that Sgt Maj just let Chase take the billet for instructor none of this would be an issue. Furthermore, the Major pulled Chase in to his office the other day to inform him that his name was BACK on the list for recruiting. He can't deny orders this time... however! By the time they pull Chase in to interview, and he attends the class he has to have 2 years remaining on his contracted time with the Corps. Currently he only has 18 months which would have him as unapproved for recruiting UNLESS he agrees to re enlist.
He come home with the news just days after learning of his January deployment date. We sat on the couch that night and discussed everything. It didn't take long to see that we were on the same page. We were done.
Since Chase has been at this duty station he has had nothing but rounds of bad luck so to speak. He works incredibly hard. I could give you pages upon pages of things he has done that have Navy Achievement Medal paperwork pending on them. Yet, if you know anything about MALS-31 you know that paperwork is about as far as anything gets around here. As I mentioned before, he is more qualified than higher ranks. He has outstanding fitreps. He continuously gets put on dets that have him always training junior Marines, but never actually putting his own training in to use. He was in charge of the production of a multimillion dollar piece of equipment that was the only one that works in the Marine Corps... Still waiting on the paperwork for that medal as well! He hasn't been able to deploy, which is something he's been wanting since Morghan was born, 4 years ago. They constantly send out those who have no training, those who are text book quals (they read the material necessary to get the qualifications, yet if you needed them to actually use their knowledge they wouldn't be able to). This list could go on forever... but didn't always used to be this way which makes it all the more frustrating.
We discussed re enlisting to go recruiting, knowing that they wouldn't keep him once they realized he is not the fight person for that billet. From there Chase would be able to pick up rank and continue on a career path.
It grew quiet for a few moments as we thought things through and Chase spoke up.
Chase has decided he would rather be a good father than to continue working his ass off and not getting the recognition he deserves for it. So in Spring 2012, he will be getting out of the Marine Corps. It is a shame, but maybe this is the decision that is best for our family.
It's a shame that it has come to this, but we just can't take anymore. About 2 years ago Chase's name was put on to a list to be pulled for recruiting. Anyone who knows Chase, would know that he just isn't the guy for that billet. He was given the opportunity to change his billet to be an instructor at the schools. The ONLY reason he wasn't able to is because his Sgt Maj at that time was the former Sgt Maj of recruiting. He thought it was the best, and would not let Chase transfer to instructor. In turn, due to family circumstances, Chase denied the recruiting orders. I will be honest here. Had he taken those orders, I can almost guarantee you that our marriage/family would have fallen apart. I won't go in to details on that though. By denying Marine Corps orders Chase was given a code that prevents him from re enlisting or even gaining rank. The only way he would be allowed to have that code removed from his file is to take new recruiting orders.
Where am I going with this? Chase was to pick up rank this year as a Staff Sgt after only 6 years in the Marines. Everyone in his shop knows it, even the Major who has pointed on several occasions that Chase has more qualifications than the majority of the Staff Sgts in Ordnance and even several Gunnery Sgts. At least SOMEONE notices this...but it is still irritating. Had that Sgt Maj just let Chase take the billet for instructor none of this would be an issue. Furthermore, the Major pulled Chase in to his office the other day to inform him that his name was BACK on the list for recruiting. He can't deny orders this time... however! By the time they pull Chase in to interview, and he attends the class he has to have 2 years remaining on his contracted time with the Corps. Currently he only has 18 months which would have him as unapproved for recruiting UNLESS he agrees to re enlist.
He come home with the news just days after learning of his January deployment date. We sat on the couch that night and discussed everything. It didn't take long to see that we were on the same page. We were done.
Since Chase has been at this duty station he has had nothing but rounds of bad luck so to speak. He works incredibly hard. I could give you pages upon pages of things he has done that have Navy Achievement Medal paperwork pending on them. Yet, if you know anything about MALS-31 you know that paperwork is about as far as anything gets around here. As I mentioned before, he is more qualified than higher ranks. He has outstanding fitreps. He continuously gets put on dets that have him always training junior Marines, but never actually putting his own training in to use. He was in charge of the production of a multimillion dollar piece of equipment that was the only one that works in the Marine Corps... Still waiting on the paperwork for that medal as well! He hasn't been able to deploy, which is something he's been wanting since Morghan was born, 4 years ago. They constantly send out those who have no training, those who are text book quals (they read the material necessary to get the qualifications, yet if you needed them to actually use their knowledge they wouldn't be able to). This list could go on forever... but didn't always used to be this way which makes it all the more frustrating.
We discussed re enlisting to go recruiting, knowing that they wouldn't keep him once they realized he is not the fight person for that billet. From there Chase would be able to pick up rank and continue on a career path.
It grew quiet for a few moments as we thought things through and Chase spoke up.
Chase has decided he would rather be a good father than to continue working his ass off and not getting the recognition he deserves for it. So in Spring 2012, he will be getting out of the Marine Corps. It is a shame, but maybe this is the decision that is best for our family.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
48 Hours
I still haven't even had time to process everything I learned within the past 48 hours. Chase is definitely leaving in January. Approx 2 weeks before the baby is due. Going through scenarios of what you will do upon learning of impending deployments is one thing. The reality of putting a plan in to action is surreal. Two days before learning of his January date I had chosen to stay in SC and have the baby should he leave in January. I was prepared for a March deployment, I prayed for one. Suddenly I'm thrown into a new game of' what will I do?' I know what everyone else wants me to do. They act like its so easy. Some think I should stay. Others to go home. But what about me? What do I want?
I don't have a clue.
I'm scared to have this baby without Chase here. I'm scared that I have to adapt to being a parent of 2 all the while being "single". I'm upset that he is going to miss the birth of this baby. I'm angry that the Marine Corps is taking him 2 weeks before the baby is due with no option of extending his departure. I'm angry at the 2 individuals I hold responsible for Chase being on this deployment all because they were lazy and didn't want to get their qualifications. I've even made up my mind that the first time I see them face to face and find out who they are I will not hesitate to introduce them to my fist, no matter the consequences.
I feel like no one cares about what I want. I don't want the stress of packing up and leaving him. Christmas is the last week I can travel, and I refuse to leave Chase here by himself on Christmas. I won't do it, no matter what. We don't have the money to get me to Texas before the baby comes anyways. We are saving everything for when she gets here. I don't want to take any ones help or money. I know and understand the standing offer, but I don't want it. I don't want to have to find out dog a new home. We've had to do that once before and it killed me. Some days I still wish I could find her and get her back. We rescued the dog we have now and I am too attached to him to lose him.
This was my best way to put my feelings into an entry. But the emotions run so much higher than words can express. I became so overwhelmed yesterday that I began having minor contractions and the baby had stopped moving. Luckily everything calmed down and I was able to go home.
I've never felt so torn before. I don't want to upset anyone, but the reality is... someone will be upset in the end. What I want, is the support of my family and friends no matter what decision I end up making.
I don't have a clue.
I'm scared to have this baby without Chase here. I'm scared that I have to adapt to being a parent of 2 all the while being "single". I'm upset that he is going to miss the birth of this baby. I'm angry that the Marine Corps is taking him 2 weeks before the baby is due with no option of extending his departure. I'm angry at the 2 individuals I hold responsible for Chase being on this deployment all because they were lazy and didn't want to get their qualifications. I've even made up my mind that the first time I see them face to face and find out who they are I will not hesitate to introduce them to my fist, no matter the consequences.
I feel like no one cares about what I want. I don't want the stress of packing up and leaving him. Christmas is the last week I can travel, and I refuse to leave Chase here by himself on Christmas. I won't do it, no matter what. We don't have the money to get me to Texas before the baby comes anyways. We are saving everything for when she gets here. I don't want to take any ones help or money. I know and understand the standing offer, but I don't want it. I don't want to have to find out dog a new home. We've had to do that once before and it killed me. Some days I still wish I could find her and get her back. We rescued the dog we have now and I am too attached to him to lose him.
This was my best way to put my feelings into an entry. But the emotions run so much higher than words can express. I became so overwhelmed yesterday that I began having minor contractions and the baby had stopped moving. Luckily everything calmed down and I was able to go home.
I've never felt so torn before. I don't want to upset anyone, but the reality is... someone will be upset in the end. What I want, is the support of my family and friends no matter what decision I end up making.
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