In My Daughter's Eyes

I'm at a low point right now. Lower than I thought I would get to be honest. I knew that I was going to miss my baby girl... I just didn't know it would hurt this much! After the horrid trip back to SC without her (and granted I'm glad she didn't have to make the hellish trip with me) I tried not to think about things too much. But this didn't last long. As I mentioned previously in another entry we had received word of some news and this just is not a time that I need to be alone. I need the support and everything started to come crashing down.

On the way to work today I just started having repetitive thoughts.

I'm lonely.
I miss my husband.
He wasn't supposed to leave until August.
This wasn't the plan.
I hate the Marine Corps.
I miss my baby.
I don't want to be alone.
I need her to hold and cuddle.
I'm lonely.
I'm so lonely it hurts.
This is not a good time for me to be alone.
The dog just isn't enough company.
I'm lonely.

Over and over I said these things. I couldn't even find a positive thought to cheer me up. It was absurd. I was bordering tears by the time I pulled in to work, so I choked down the lump in my throat, took a deep breath and went inside.
Hours later as we were hanging out at a table about to leave the song "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride came on and it was all I could do to hold back tears. My eyes were burning and I could feel the tears sitting there, just waiting to escape and flow freely. They took note and asked me and I said "This song makes me miss my baby." I finally allowed the freedom of a few stray drops as they gave me a quick hug and reassured me everything will be okay, as best they could. Then they decided that were going to do a cocktails night at a coworkers for some girl time.

I am so thankful to have good coworkers/friends that were there for me just as I was about to collapse into an unrecognizable heap of depression. If it weren't for them I would have come home and cried myself into a miserable sleep.

Sorry for the depressing entry, but I needed to write something for me. Something to let it out a bit.